But I’m here to talk about food.

I’m able to differentiate between the types of cravings that I have: protein, sugar, carbs, electrolytes, etc. I only say this because I had assumed that everyone can, but I keep meeting people that can’t—there’s just a craving for something, some kind of food. Point being, as you can imagine, long runs leave me with massive protein cravings. Sports drinks and gels can handle the electrolyte issue before it hits the craving stage, but not even protein powders or bars can tackle the cravings that come from a good run.

I find that for short runs of up to 6 miles, the protein cravings can be handled by chicken or turkey or, in very rare cases, pork. From 6 to 10 miles, I upgrade to a big tuna steak, salmon, or some other large serving of fish. Beyond 10 miles, and it seems that nothing will hit the spot but red meat, such as the 16oz filet mignon I had after my run yesterday. If I have fish or chicken after a run that long, it doesn’t ever quite hit the spot.

Here’s the thing, though: I’ve really cut down the amount of red meat that I eat because of the strain it puts on my digestive system and metabolism. I’ll be able to feel the steak I had last night for at least another day as it works its way through. I would love, love, love to be able to figure out how to satiate the protein craving of a 12-13 mile run without resorting to red meat.

Anyone got any ideas?

P.S. – For the record, I have a BMR (Base Metabolic Rate) that requires approximately 1850 calories per day. When I run, I burn 130 calories per mile or more, depending on my speed. That 13.1 mile run is then another 1700 calories I need to replenish. I’ll get about 500 calories from the sports drinks and gels that it takes to get through that run, but I’m still looking at another 3000+ calories that I’ll need to consume for that day. Ouch. I don’t know how professional runners can afford to feed themselves like that. (And filet mignon is 60 calories per ounce—I’m not eating 3 lb of filet mignon in a day!)

And, of course, the logical follow-up:

(On the occasions when I’ve need a little extra cash I’ve moonlighted as a waiter. It’s decent cash in your pocket, and it generally comes with a discount on meals at the restaurant. I’d go so far to say that, like the Swiss concept of compulsory military service, people should be forced to work in a restaurant for a year after secondary school. I’d be interested to find anyone who has ever worked in that industry that wouldn’t agree with me on that.)

But I’m getting off the topic.

I order off-menu more often than not. I don’t make a big deal out of it, but it does get noticed and remarked on by people with me. I do get the social pressure they are succumbing to in thinking that ordering off-menu is verboten. I just don’t think they’re right.

The stuff I order off-menu isn’t unreasonable. I’m not going into a Mexican restaurant and ordering Chicken Marsala. I’m doing simple things like saying instead of the alfredo sauce can I get just olive oil, or no hollandaise, no onions, but what other veggies can you throw on there?, etc. I will occasionally order something that isn’t even hinted at on the menu, but only if I’ve had it there before and know that the kitchen can make it, it’s just been taken off the menu.

Why do I order off-menu so often?

First, I’m hyper-conscious about what I eat. I’ll sub out sauces and sides every time for something healthier. That comes with fries, okay? Um, no. What do you have that’s green? Yeah, 99% of the time the only green thing they have is broccoli, but I’ll still take that over fries or slaw.

Second, I know that in the most modern restaurants, it’s not any more effort to get it my way. Ingredients are ingredients. The exception to this is the large chain restaurants that do things like ship entree-packs to their stores instead of the component ingredients. I’m not going to put up a fight if they say those veggies come in a pack—I’m not a complete jerk. But it’s still worth taking the time to ask, right?

I also think I have pretty good estimation of timing when it comes to ordering off-menu. There are some restaurants and occasions where it just is not appropriate, and I think I am appropriately sensitive to that. I also start small and work my way up, always asking questions instead of demanding satisfaction. What other sides do you have? That mostly sounds good, but I’m not keen on that sauce, what else can you recommend?

In my desk at work I keep two jars of peanut butter: one Jif Reduced Fat Crunchy and one Peanut Butter & Co Dark Chocolate Dreams. The latter, as you can guess, is a blend of creamy peanut butter and dark chocolate. The same company makes a white chocolate blend, but it is too sweet for my tastes.

It’s not $240 worth of pudding, but whenever someone walks in on me with two open jars of peanut butter and a spoon they always look at me like I’ve grown a second head. What’s up with that?